Issue #18: Unpacking the Complexities of 'Home'
Learning to separate the past from the present + 3 ways I am navigating this.
A few weeks ago, I took a little leap and shared with you all about feeling as though I'd lost my spark. To my surprise and relief, I found many of your voices echoing back, sharing in that sentiment. It was a powerful reminder that none of us are truly alone in our struggles, and for that, I'm incredibly grateful.
Your responses made me feel seen and understood, and they've encouraged me to dive deeper into a topic that's close to my heart [of course]: the concept of "home."
For years, I grappled with the conventional understanding of home. I was taught to see it as merely a physical space meant to provide safety and comfort. Yet, for me, that traditional notion of home was anything but comforting. It was a place I dreaded, where being myself felt like the greatest of risks. This dissonance between what home was supposed to be and what it actually was to me led to dislocation, both physically and emotionally.
In opening up to you a few weeks ago, and through the act of sharing and receiving your stories, I've been reminded of the journey I've embarked upon—not just in the actual miles I’ve traveled from the place I grew up, but in the emotional distance I've covered along the way. Moving and traveling have taught me that home is much more than a structure; it's an inner safe place where I can truly embrace who I am and all I’ve overcome. For me, home is about crafting a life on my own terms, a life that reflects my values, hopes, and dreams and is oh so safe.
This newsletter, in many ways, is a manifestation of that quest. It's a safe space for me to explore the idea of home with you, as my reader and friend, to redefine it in ways that resonate with our own experiences and future aspirations. It's also about acknowledging that while the physical places we come from are often blurred with memories and ties, the homes we create for ourselves now can be spaces of healing, understanding, and true belonging.
Yet, as I navigate this journey, I do find myself caught between the home I am striving to build and the home I once knew. For me it’s a tug-of-war of emotions, where nostalgia for what was mingles with excitement, a dust of trauma and sometimes apprehension for what's to come. This duality is not easy to navigate, but it's an important part of my journey toward understanding what "home" really means to me.
Three ways I am trying to navigate this journey:
Setting Boundaries
I've started to be more assertive about what I can and cannot tolerate. This means saying 'no' without feeling guilty and asking for space when I need it. It's a continuous process of understanding my needs and ensuring they're not sidelined.
Embracing Vulnerability
By choosing to share my journey, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I've embraced my vulnerability. Whether through this newsletter or in personal conversations, I no longer shy away from discussing my struggles. This has not only helped me feel more connected to others but has also allowed me to accept and love myself more fully.
Moving Forward on My Own Terms
I'm actively making decisions that reflect my true desires, not out of obligation or to please others. This includes my career, how I spend my free time, and even how I define success. I'm learning to trust my intuition more and to pursue what genuinely makes me happy, even if it means taking the road less traveled.
Incorporating these into my life has been incredibly empowering and guides me when things feel a bit messy. It's a journey of constant learning and adjusting, but it's one that's leading me closer to finding my true sense of "home."
As I dive deeper into this, "home" is so much more than just four walls and a roof. It's about creating a space for myself mentally and emotionally, one where I can fully embrace who I am and where I've come from. It's about building my own life, on my own terms. It’s about redefining ‘home’ and making it mean something to me.
This newsletter has become more than just a way to share my thoughts; it's been a lifeline, connecting me to a community I didn't know I needed. It's made me realize that if I want to be true to my goal of being a writer—to heal, to connect, to help—I can't hold back. My journey to finding "home" is about being honest here, with you, through these words, and my home is evolving psychically and emotionally.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Your support means the world. [I am going to tell this to you every week now because I oh so mean it!]
xoxo,
Linds Alyse
Nurturing New Roots is a free newsletter [right now!] and a labor of love. If you find value in my writings each week, consider financially supporting this newsletter for $5.
Another way to support Nurturing New Roots is to forward this email to someone you care about!